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In the Chosun of Peace Even Fat Geeky Kids Can Date Excellent Horse-Like Ladies

With power comes responsibility and the need for personal sacrifice. Before he was confirmed as the Great Successor to the departed-but-still-present Eternal Leader, Kim Jong-eun had been linked romantically to Juche sex-kitten and leader singer of Bochonbo Electronic Music Band, Hyon Song-wol.

Then came the onerous affairs of state, such as playing chicken with South Korea’s nuclear-armed allies. Under parental orders, Kim Jong-eun became one again, and Hyon Song-wol was reported to have married a senior Korea People’s Army General and produced at least one highly-ranked Songbun unit.

Following his father’s moment of apotheosis, however, Kim Jong-eun appears to have defied propriety, and welcomed Hyon Song-wol back into his life. With their hair trimmed according to the socialist lifestyle, she and he have been pictured alongside each other at Party functions.

Given that she presumably is still married to her husband despite appearing as consort to the new Emperor, whose elder half-brother has been warned in no uncertain terms to avoid speaking out of turn (or else) and whose aunt still is angling for professional advancement of her own like a Dragon Lady from the late Manchu Dynasty, life at Court must be like the anti-Waltons.

With all the greatest Juche hits playing in the background: