North Korea

Totalitarian Cuisine

This is a crosspost by efrafandays

Although my day-to-day diet is more akin to that of Robert Mugabe, I must admit, I do like an apple strudel now and again. Yet, I am a bit bemused that Kim Jong-Sung might have thought Austrian cuisine was the “best in the world”, and dispatch his personal chefs to learn its weird and wonderful wiley ways.

(Although, I will not be re-considering my palate, as I did with my watching habits when I discovered Kim Jong-Il was a fan of Daffy Duck.)

This is one of the insights into the high priests of the Juche religion which has been revealed by Kim Jong-Ryul, former personal shopper to the North Korean leaders. Sixteen years after faking his death and settling in Austria, Kim Jong-Ryul (all these Kims is like the Mackays in northern Sutherland) is understandably fearful of attempts on his life; considering North Korea’s tendency to kidnapJapanese and South Korean civilians from beaches, or to conspirewith Chinese authorities to repatriate refugees in China.

Yet, at 75, he appears to have reached a confessional stage in his life, and wishes only to relieve his conscience.

Kim Jong-Sung is reported not to have trusted Korean food, although I am unsure if this were because he feared poisoning (sort-of reasonable) or thought it inherently unclean (loo-loo). Same goes for installing heartbeat monitors lest anyone be hiding behind walls.

In addition to fine food, the high priests of Juche availed themselves of symbols of Western decadence such as fleets sport cars. Kim Jong-Ryul’s flight in 1994 coincided with the beginning of North Korea’s very own Holodomor in which an estimate 12% of the populationstarved to death.

Although Ricky Gervais Alejandro Cao de Benos de Les y Pérez y Cacacacacacacacac may boast of having supped on potatoes and onions, judging by his tailor made Mao suits, he has other sources of sustenance. Christine Ahn, of the Korea Policy Institute, however, is relatively svelte and does see the effects of increasing food-shortages which are leading to beggars appearing on Pyongyang streets:

I went to North Korea as a peace activist. North Koreans were living in very difficult conditions. Eight-year-old children were loitering around the hotel, shaking because of hunger. Even soldiers were extremely thin.

Alas, she spoils this moment of epiphany by leaping back into the maws of stupidity:

One thing that surprised me was the mental strength of the North Koreans. I strongly felt their pride and urge to preserve their system.

She is so dim I almost could fancy her.

Share this article.

shares