Comments on: Kid’s Stuff

By: Graham

Graham — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:11:25 +0000

You are quite right that they have made great efforts recently X.

But not during the timescale of the transported children.

By: XofTheX

XofTheX — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:24:50 +0000

Deception (I should say) is surely part of every adoption isn’t it?

Not in modern adoptions.

By: Kilbarry1

Kilbarry1 — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:09:15 +0000

The following is a priceless example of the ideology of victimhood created by these stupid apologies – from a letter published in the the Irish Independent on October 24 last

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/letters/government-salving-its-own-conscience-1923517.html

My heart bled for Jim Beresford former Artane child prisoner from Huddersfield, England, when he wrote “Monument to abuse victims is an insult” (Letters, October 23).

I could feel his pain.

He quotes Bertie Ahern in a speech from 1999: “On behalf of the State and all the citizens of the State, the Government wishes to make a sincere and long-overdue apology to the victims of childhood abuse for our collective failure to intervene, to detect their pain, to come to their rescue.”

I remember this speech very well and Mr Beresford is so right in saying it is simply not true to say the State failed to detect the pain suffered by child prisoners in Artane.

Time and again, that pain was reported to the State and was dismissed. It’s a crying shame for the Government.

I remember in the 1960s on a Sunday seeing the boys from Artane walking two by two down a road in Dublin and almost envying them on their Sunday afternoon stroll.

Little did I know the darkness that was behind those evil walls of Artane.

When I saw the boys playing their instruments in Croke Park I used to think how happy they looked as they played their marching tunes. I could not see, behind the blue and red uniform, the scars, hurt and pain of a child.

We were all in the dark in those days, where sexual abuse and physical abuse was concerned.

Sex was not discussed freely.

Also, the fact that a religious order would commit these atrocities never occurred to us because we all thought that the religious had a direct line to God and would never interfere with a child.

We were naive, to put it very mildly.

However, in 1999, we were not so naive. Shame, shame, shame on the Government then and now for shirking their responsibilities to those who were abused in life by the religious and others.

This memorial is a political stunt.

It may salve the conscience of the Government as they pass it by, thinking they have done something wonderful.

As if any monument could alleviate the pain and memories.

By: Graham

Graham — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:07:45 +0000

It’s quite common for children to have the fantasy that they must really be the child of someone grander than their ordinary parents, the by-blow of a prince or something, or that they are a foundling whose real aristocratic parents will one day claim them.

In my experience its more common for friends and partners to have this fantasy about you than for adopted people to have it themselves!

By: Catherine

Catherine — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:50:13 +0000

Wow. What an excellent way to describe this entire phenomenon! …”entering stage left into another play”. Best analogy I’ve ever heard. My adoptive mum is still alive at the age of 94, and I love her to death, but “the feeling that you’re acting a part in someone else’s drama”….nothing else to say!

Thanks for your offer. I always read ‘Harry’s Place’, but primarily pieces on the middle east, and when I came upon your article was pleased to digress from my obsession with all things Israeli/Palestinian. Thanks.

By: Graham

Graham — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:29:18 +0000

Well KB being the student of literature that I know you are or have been you will know how easy it is to construct a narrative around the smallest things. In my adopted mothers house there has always been a small bowl marked “Ireland” and a Virgin Mary music box. My mother, a methodist, never really liked the Irish (I don’t mean she was overtly racist but she generally turned away from Irish things if you know what I mean) .Only when I found out about my birth mother did these objects make any sense (though I don’t want to build a “comedie humaine” around them. When I wrote the above I considered putting in the overwhelming feeling I got when when my parents died (apart from the genuine grief- I’m not a monster) was the feeling that I was no longer acting a part in someone else’s drama (even if, since the age of 14 or so it had only been a bit part) I didn’t put it in because I felt I’d already talked enough about me – but make of it what you will. I guess that however bad or good birth parents turned out to be should I find them I’d be worried about just entering stage left into another play.

Its all a bit Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead really isn’t it?

By: KB Player

KB Player — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:01:37 +0000

One of my sisters had a baby at seventeen and gave him up for adoption. He turned up 30 or so years later. She has no other children, they are now very close and she is delighted to become a grandmother. It was strange to meet this young man – to see shared family traits and looks come out of nowhere. Both the young man and my sister are sane and sensible people but I know that this kind of story could end very badly.

Another friend was adopted by Scottish parents. I’d always thought this guy looked like Phillip Roth. He waited till his adoptive parents died then tracked down his parents – turned out his mother was Irish and his father Israeli. His Israeli brother looks exactly like him.

I would be overwhelmed by curiosity myself. On the other hand, I’ve heard that adopted children can build up a fantasy life of this wonderful person out there who will love them, and can be crushingly disappointed. It’s quite common for children to have the fantasy that they must really be the child of someone grander than their ordinary parents, the by-blow of a prince or something, or that they are a foundling whose real aristocratic parents will one day claim them.

By: Graham

Graham — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:48:29 +0000

Thanks Catherine. I hope that you will comment here again (or even do a guest post if you felt like it.) I feel I went off on a bit of a speculation that was perhaps a bit far for most non-adopted people and they may have felt a bit reluctant to comment but hey ho!

By: Catherine

Catherine — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:36:57 +0000

Thanks for posting that link Moritz. I am very familiar with the history of the transport of the children from the UK to Canada. It was scandalous and unforgivable. I have nothing but empathy and compassion for the victims of this horrendous policy.

As I noted earlier, humanity knows no boundaries when it comes to dehumanizing, exploiting and mistreating the vulnerable in our society. One can only hope that we have all learned from the multitude of horrors inflicted on these people.
The Canadian First Nations people are a case in point. They were literally snatched from their parents and put into residential schools, far away from their families, with many of them suffering untold abuse at the hands of the the Catholic and Anglican institutions who took it upon themselves to “whiten up” these poor kids.

The Canadian government has made apologies and financial reparations to the now adult individuals, but as most of the world knows, the damage done to them is an ongoing tragedy that seemingly knows no end. We have made financial reparations and apologies to the Japanese, the Chinese, and Indo Canadians as well.
I still am unsure as to the psychological benefits of all this retroactive brow beating, especially when the target group of said, are mostly descendants of the actual victims. I just don’t know.

I was born to Jewish parents. Raised by Catholics. I suppose I missed out on a great deal regarding my heritage. I think that I’ve helped make up for it quite satisfactorily though as an adult. And the point made by Sue R is well taken. Children raised in their own biological families have no guarantee against abuse either.

This was a great article and I’ve enjoyed the comments. Most of the sites for adoptees, focus only on the obsessive need to find ones birth parents, without a broader conversation of how to put the adoption experience into a context of moving forward and healing whatever wounds one feels has been generated upon them.

By: moritz

moritz — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 11:01:10 +0000

I think there were a number of motives -some well-intentioned and “normal” -but the whole thing does seem to have an unsavoury air about it – as early as 1956 a parliamentary report was deeply critical and suggested suspending the programme because of the unsatisfactory nature of the receiving institutions

this is quite interesting
http://www.parliament.the-stationery-office.co.uk/pa/cm199798/cmselect/cmhealth/755/75504.htm